Tone of your inner voice

We all speak to ourselves at times. Sometimes to understand how we feel, or to justify why we did what we did, or to seek counsel while making a decision.

I recently had to apply for an online position. While I was all excited about the role, I wasn’t sure about how to ask for remuneration that I felt I deserved. So I started having dialogues with myself. “Let’s search online for an average salary of this position”. “Well I think you were getting a little lesser than your expectations in your previous job, and that was the reason you lost interest in working there”.”I feel if I get at least this amount I will be happy working here for a while”.”But what if I sound ridiculous while quoting this amount?”.”Well, if I do then maybe I will have to listen to what they have to say before responding”

The above conversation I had in my head was in an apologetic tone until the evening before my next meeting to finalize the offer. Sitting in my bed I was reading “To the Lighthouse” which is a fantastic book where the author, Virginia Woolf, spends considerable time listening to herself think, observing how and which words and emotions arose in her own mind in response to what she saw. This led me to generate awareness, a conscious recognition of the tone of my inner voice. I was puzzled when I realized that the tone was apologetic. There was no reason for it to be apologetic, but it just became that way because I never took a minute to listen to it and correct it.

You see, correcting this tone is important because I make most of my decisions after consulting with my inner voice. At times I do ask for advice from people around me, most importantly books, but in the end, the responsibility of accepting the consequence of decisions I make is solely to be mine. This pushes me to educate my inner voice and then make a decision. Hence it is imperative that my inner voice be confident and that I am conscious of its tone. So that when I have to negotiate a contract I am confident, as a reflection of my confident inner voice.